this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
