I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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