If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
