My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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