Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
