i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
