how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
