I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
