Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
