I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
