you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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