I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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