I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
