did you get engaged???
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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