The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
