Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
