There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
