every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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