i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
