brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
