i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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