Sorry, I don't speak sober.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
