my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
