Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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