actually, I'm a sock model
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
