we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
