your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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