I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
