I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
