trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
