it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
