This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
