Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
