oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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