why didn't you poke me back
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
