its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
