I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
