Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
When are your genitals available?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
