Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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