He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I still have a little drunk in my system
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
