its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
