What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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