I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
