I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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