You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
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