i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
