ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
