You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
