My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
