yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
two words...techno handjob
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
