I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
