We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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